I am not a wimp*

Lets just start with the asterisk. What exactly does it mean? It means that I'm not a wimp, however, I am rather petrified of the 1.5 inch needle that I got introduced to last night. Make the distance estimate with your fingers and then consider the fact that the entire needle needs to go in before you can release the medicine. Its a crucial part of my IVF cycle, but its not fun at all. The purpose of the shot is to inject progesterone into my inner muscles so that it can be absorbed by the neccessary organs down there (its given in the hip/butt...loverly).

Going into this, I though, "Ah, no problem, I can do shots." And I have shown that I can do shots, but not like this. People are used to neccessary injections-- they aren't enjoyable, but they aren't too bad b/c they are just being injected into the skin levels and are of a water-like consistency. These are different, as they have to be injected into your muscle and the progesterone has to be stored in oil.

Mike has been such a trooper about this whole part of the procedure. He has a really good attitude and did the first injection last night very well. He really did a good job, but it still hurt like heck.

Now, I'm the first person to be positive--- and I know (I really really know) that the prospects of the end result are way worth the unpleasantness of the proceedure. I'm well aware. So, typically I'd be saying "don't worry, its gonna get better." But our nurse yesterday was trying to educate us and flat out said that they would be getting worse b/c of the temporary scar tissue that builds up.

After the shot, I'm supposed to walk around to dissipate the medication. As I did so, tears welled up big time. I don't know if it was nerves b/c I realized this could be a part of our evenings for the next 8-12 weeks, or the weird sensation of the medication spreading, or just the pain...but the tears did show up. We just looked at eachother and said "its for the possibility of a baby, so its totally worth it." And that was the perfect thing to say, because it doesn't ignore the fact that these aren't the easiest, but it keeps us focused on why we're doing it. The fact is that we're very close to something that could be amazing. I'm thinking we'll say this everytime we do a shot, because such a statement calms the nerves, helps the pain go away and is a daily reminder that we're on the path to starting a family.

I'm proudly putting the asterisk next to the "I am not a wimp" statement. Because, I'm not a wimp...until it comes to these.