Day 3 Report Card

Just got a call from our Embryologist. Looks like we may have a couple over-acheivers in the pack. The grading scale is 1-4:
"1.0" is the best
"1.5" is very good
"2" is good
"3s" & "4s" are not so good-- and our clinic usually won't use these unless they have to.

Here's how our Day 3 Report Card turned out:

• 3 Embryos have 8 cells and are at a 1.0 grade (that's the best you can get)
• 2 Embryos have 9 cells, are showing "early signs of compaction" (which is really good as they want the cell growth to be as compacted as possible) and are a grade of 1.5
• 1 Embryo has 12 cells already and has a 1.5 grade
• 2 Embryos have 8 cells, a grade of 1.5 and are also showing early signs of compaction
• 2 Embryos have 9 cells and a 1.5 grade
• 2 Embryos have 8 cells with a grade of 1.5
• 1 Embryo has 7 cells with a 1.5 grade

So what does all the above mean? Its doctor's-speak for "A+". Things are looking good and they feel we have good chances of being able to wait until the 6th day, which is ideal, to do the IVF Transfer. As of now, our procedure is scheduled for 9:15 on Monday morning. We'll get a nother call on Sunday with an update. But for now, the word of the day is "YIPPIE!"

Drumroll Please...

That's what our nurse said this morning when she called me. "Drumroll Please..." They were pretty excited-- and for good reason: We have 20 embryos. That's a lot more than we ever expected and a lot more than average. When we left the clinic on Tues, they mentioned that from the 27 eggs we should be happy if 12 fertilize. This was partially because the eggs were in different stages of maturity, so they weren't sure how they would take.

So, I guess its safe to say that yesterdays little meeting between Mike's boys and our donor's girls went extremely well. They mingled well and sparks apparently flew. Nice work!

With our permission, they immediately froze 8 for a later time (maybe a sibling if we get lucky??), leaving us with 12 that will grow in the monitored lab. The goal is to have these 12 embryos grow to be 6 days old when they are technically called "Blastocysts." Thats ideal b/c they can fully monitor their development and see how their cells split. As they develop into blastocysts, they actually begin to split into 2 parts....that will eventually become the fetus and placenta, should everything continue to go well. Its just amazing to learn about how this whole little "science project" occurs. I'll get a call Friday with an update from the embryologist...details to come.

I am not a wimp*

Lets just start with the asterisk. What exactly does it mean? It means that I'm not a wimp, however, I am rather petrified of the 1.5 inch needle that I got introduced to last night. Make the distance estimate with your fingers and then consider the fact that the entire needle needs to go in before you can release the medicine. Its a crucial part of my IVF cycle, but its not fun at all. The purpose of the shot is to inject progesterone into my inner muscles so that it can be absorbed by the neccessary organs down there (its given in the hip/butt...loverly).

Going into this, I though, "Ah, no problem, I can do shots." And I have shown that I can do shots, but not like this. People are used to neccessary injections-- they aren't enjoyable, but they aren't too bad b/c they are just being injected into the skin levels and are of a water-like consistency. These are different, as they have to be injected into your muscle and the progesterone has to be stored in oil.

Mike has been such a trooper about this whole part of the procedure. He has a really good attitude and did the first injection last night very well. He really did a good job, but it still hurt like heck.

Now, I'm the first person to be positive--- and I know (I really really know) that the prospects of the end result are way worth the unpleasantness of the proceedure. I'm well aware. So, typically I'd be saying "don't worry, its gonna get better." But our nurse yesterday was trying to educate us and flat out said that they would be getting worse b/c of the temporary scar tissue that builds up.

After the shot, I'm supposed to walk around to dissipate the medication. As I did so, tears welled up big time. I don't know if it was nerves b/c I realized this could be a part of our evenings for the next 8-12 weeks, or the weird sensation of the medication spreading, or just the pain...but the tears did show up. We just looked at eachother and said "its for the possibility of a baby, so its totally worth it." And that was the perfect thing to say, because it doesn't ignore the fact that these aren't the easiest, but it keeps us focused on why we're doing it. The fact is that we're very close to something that could be amazing. I'm thinking we'll say this everytime we do a shot, because such a statement calms the nerves, helps the pain go away and is a daily reminder that we're on the path to starting a family.

I'm proudly putting the asterisk next to the "I am not a wimp" statement. Because, I'm not a wimp...until it comes to these.

The Big (yet microscopic) Introduction

Great news to report: Right now, as I type, there are some eggs (27 were retrieved) and some very special Foley DNA meeting for the first time in a little dish in Cincinnati. We're hoping that they are getting along fabulously.

We'll know just how well their blind date went tomorrow when the clinic calls us in the morning.

Although there were a lot of eggs retrieved, they were at different stages of maturity, so by no means are we expecting 27 fertilized embryos tomorrow. Realistically, our embryologist is hoping for 9-12 solid "matches." These are really good numbers b/c we are only "throwing back" (that's medical speak for "transferring") 2. The remaining solid embryos will be frozen in groups of 3 for a possible 2nd attmpt in the future.

I hope the little guys and donor eggs get a long.

Its like the night before Christmas

Tomorrow is the day our embryos get created. What a crazy statement...because its an event we've been focused on for quite awhile. I've been trying to think about how to explain how I feel with this day being so close. The best way I can describe is to compare it to how you feel on the night before Christmas. You're around family, so there's a heightened sense of warmth. You feel a humble sense of joy and peace. And you have this calm about you, although you're eager and excited for what the next day brings...and I'm thinking that its gonna be tough to get some sleep. We'll be leaving early in the morning--appts are at 9:15. Pretty neat!

2/26 it is.

I got a call on my cell on Sunday--it was a good call. The kinda call that makes everything seem really real. We were driving home from a nice weekend away and got "the call" from our clinic. For the past few weeks we've been speaking in "tentative," meaning that the timing of our procedure has been an approximation. The entire process is based completely on the individual timing of the donor's internal clock and how she responds to her meds. So everything has been estimated until we received the phone call today from the clinic...on a Sunday! Our donor went in today for her final ultrasound and now we know the exact timing of at least the first part of procedure.

We'll be heading down to Cincinnati for 9am appointments at the clinic in 2 days. Mike will (how do I say this tastefully) "do his thing" at 9a and I'll have an ultrasound to make sure I'm responding properly to my meds. Meanwhile, in a different part of the hospital, our donor will be having outpatient surgery to retrieve the eggs she'll be donating to what we hope will be the coolest "science project" ever!

Later on Tuesday, sperm will meet eggs (and early ultrasound indications are that there are a lot of them--like more than 20). They will then grow while being monitored in their lab for up to 6 days. That's the goal-- to have them develop into cell-dividing blastocysts. They take photos of the microscopic little guys and call us with updates.

If all things go well, the best 2 blastocysts will be transferred via IVF on Monday, March 3rd. Its possible that it may be sooner if the clinic feels the embryos need to be transferred sooner should they not take to growing in the lab. Either way, we trust their judgement and are officially on our way.

"All In"

Ever sat at a Texas Hold 'Em table with a really good hand and confidently say the words "All In?" Thats what we did today---sort of. With the IVF procedures coming up next week, we called our clinic and paid for all of the out-of-pocket expenses. I'm laughing as I write "out-of-pocket" as if we only had to pay a portion of the medical tab...not.

I'm really proud of how we planned for this though. We set up a savings plan and stuck to it like superglue. And thankfully, we are able to pay for this outright without taking a line of credit, touching our 401K or selling investments. That's a pretty big accomplishment.

Today we took some major pennies out of our piggy bank. But, we're replentishing it every month, so the little piggy won't starve, he's just going on a little temporary diet. So its official, we're all in. And we're all excited.

A Most Perfect Waiting Period...for an impatient person trying so hard to be patient!

Just as we settle in with our choice and go into "The Holding Pattern," we get a call. The unknown number from the 513 area code instantaneously equates to something relating to Team Stork---either the clinic or the donor agency were calling. I was in a meeting that I couldn't excuse myself from, so I didn't answer-- just silently saw the number pop up on my blackberry. This was particularly peculiar because I had just spoken with them about a week prior ans we ended the converstation with something along the lines of "we'll touch base in a couple of months as we get closer...until then, just keep doing what you're doing...everything looks good...we're just in a bit of a holding pattern." I don't think I can remember a thing said afer I saw this number pop up on my muted bberry...cause couriosity got the best of me.

As soon as I could jump out of the meeting, I bolted to my office to call my voicemail. It was our agency. "Please call us back as soon as you get this-- we need to talk with you today." Not quite the message you expect to hear when you're in the "patiently waiting" stage. So, I called back.

After the typical politeness of "how are you? hows much snow did you get last night?...then they got to the point.

"You must we wondering why were calling." Um, yeppers, I'm just kinda courious.

"Ideally, you were hoping for a Feb cycle, right?" Suddenly, this got exciting.

"As it turns out, the couple that was supposed to be going before you has to back out of the procedure." Ouch-- poor couple. They had been waiting longer than us.

"The donor you'd like was somewhat counting on doing the procedure in early March. We spoke with your clinic (who ironically, was going to do the other couple's cycle, so they had already been working with our donor) and they said it might be medically possible to move you up. We just need a choice very quickly b/c it appears that you and the donor are almost perfectly matched up."

What are the chances...I just completed a healthy test cycle, as did the donor, but for the other couple....and it turns out we were pretty much in hormonal sync, so we could go right into the actual cycle. That had to be someone looking out for us, doesn't it?

Wow. I was so surprised. I got off the phone and called Mike. We agreed, we were a go.

So, that's how my "5 months of waiting" turned into "we're in go-mode." Lets be honest, I'm not the most patient person in the world, so its so incredibly great that this happened.
Medicines are getting shipped to me tomorrow---Wow.

The Best Kinda Valentine

So, its the night before Valetines Day...and earlier this evening, I caught myself actually liking the thoughts of this Hallmark Holiday that's coming up. M & I decided that we'd just do cards this year because of all that we're doing to start a family right now. Then on Friday, we'd go out to dinner. For some reason, this Valentines Day just seemed better.

Here's why--its all about the Valentine...the guy who is, and who has been, standing by me through all of this. Trust me, this is not some Hallmark Hall of Fame statement--its very true and heartfelt. I'm lucky...

I'm lucky to have the partner I have, as he truly is a wonderful one. He's the one who held my hand through that crazy surgery 5+ years ago, before we were married. The one who kept me positive then and continues to now. I'm lucky to have the Valentine who never ever let me feel sorry for myself, but instead focused me on the day when we'd go through the donor IVF recommended to us. He's seen me at my best and been proud. And, he's seen me at my worst and still been proud (I was not the cutest I've ever been during my 12 wk recovery from that procedure:)...but nontetheless, he was eagerly there beside me. He helps me laugh when I break out into cold sweats from the meds. He is reservely excited about whats on the horizon for us next month, and he has such tact in "keeping it real." He keeps me grounded and positively cautious, as we still have a bit of a road ahead of us as we undergo IVF. And if the road leads directly to parenthood, he's very enthusiastic about my needs to still keep my career growing. He makes me believe that we can have it all...and is the type of planner who routes out the path to have it all.

Yet, while doing all of this he's just happy to spend his life with me...with the hopes, but no guarantees, that we'll be able to have children biologically related to him. In my mind, that's the best kinda Valentine...and these are the thoughts that went through my head this Valentines eve. Cupid must've got me good--and I'm glad.

Box-O-Meds

There was a time when "shots" weren't the worst thing to have to do. But, that was the time when I was in college and shots meant a group of good friends, going out, and toasting as we down little, yet very potent, shots of alchohol.

My how things change. The days of doing those types of shots are far gone. In fact, its been a long time since I even had the thought, "hey, lets do a shot." I was never a big fan of shots, but liked the celebratory company that always seemed to be around when doing them.

Why in the world am I thinking about shots?!?! Because I just got my shipment of medicines...and we're gonna be coming up on quite a bit of shots...of the progesterone variety, that is. Its very nice to have the specialty pharmacy mail out our meds...but I must admit I was a little bit antsy when such a big box arrived with 45 days of my meds. Opening the box didn't make me feel much better. I was hoping that they accidentally sent me someone elses medicines-- or double, even triple shipped mine. There were a lot of needles in that box. But I guess the best way to look at the contents of the perscription box is to say that there's gonna be a lot of medicines that create a lot of hope.

I'm sure once I get going, it won't be bad...but just looking at all of those needles was a little daunting. I'm a trooper and this is for a really good cause. Thank goodness again for the mail order division of Walgreens. I can just see the looks I avoided while waiting in line at the pharmacy..."Miss, exactly what are these for?" Then I can just imagine me trying to politely look back at the pharmicist trying to disarm my sarcastic instinct..."No, I'm not a drug addict, I'm just trying to have a baby, dammit." I'm kidding--- trying to make light of the needles. All will be well.

Wow, getting the box-o-meds really makes this all seem pretty real. Exciting times! Now, we just need to get our donor situation finalized...we think its looking like late May or early June for the transfer

The Holding Pattern

I'm happy to say that the "donor coaster" ended with a good result. We're very content with our choice. My last post concluded with a very general, patient, "not expecting any progress to be imminent, yet happy that we finally had our approved" donor sense of accomplishment. So, now that things are a bit clearer, I thought I'd elaborate on our plan as it now stands...

Once our donor was chosen, we were informed that she agreed to be our donor (all good news), but that another couple was in front o us. They planed to go in March, so we would most likely be doing our cycle with her in late May or June. Hence the "holding pattern."

We are just fine with that. We wanted to go earlier, but understood and were content wiht June being our time.

I completed my full test cycle (which I'll save explaining for a later post). The test went really well and the clinic was able to create the results they were seeking, so no further perscription experimentation was neccessary. All good....very, very good.

So wait it is..but its a clear wait with our eyes focused on early summer. Should be exciting....Now, if it would just warm up and get here. Come on, Summer!!!

The Donor Coaster

We expected that there would be some ups and downs, but really thought they wouldn't be experienced until we were "in" the actual IVF transfer process...so those are about to come. What we didn't expect was to have bumps occur as we picked our donor. Keeping things light, we've affectionately called this process the "Donor Coaster"--- and it would make rides at Cedar Point blush. I'm kidding-- but I'll elaborate:

I fully expected that we'd select a donor and then wait until we were ready to ramp up for the IVF and that would be it. I saw it as a very simple process. We got to look at their medical history and see the questionaire that they completed. We even saw photos, which helped us make decisions.

That was relatively painless-- Mike & I had the same 1st choice, which I guess is not common. So we took a little sigh and thought this was quite an easy step.

What I didn't realize was that once a donor is selected, they need to be fully screened by our clinic before they are officially accepted. And to say the word "fully" probably dosen't do the process justice. They are screened for every genetic and contagious syndrome possible-- and that's just the beginning. The donor also completes a personality assessment and must be approved by a psychologist to be mentally capable of undergoing the procedure from start to finish. Then, if they've passed all of the initial tests, the clinic takes a look at their ovarian follicles. This is where where it gets complicated. Our team of doctors is very particular (VERY...but this is probably why they have one of the highest success rates for Donor IVF).

So, over the past 4 months, we've been on quite a ride as a donor would get all the way to the last screen-- the ovarian follicle ultrasound--- and unfortunately, not make it past this last step. What's really sad is that these poor girls were just as disappointed and initially freaked out that they won't be able to have kids of their own in the future.

Thankfully, our clinic does a really good job of explaining just how particular they are-- that they only except 6% of people who inquire about donating eggs. Their over-the-top standards are to give couples like us the best possible chance at a happy ending...and they reassure the women that they will most likely not have problems, but do not have the proper plumbing to create a large quantity of eggs during a single cycle (which really only comes in handy when they want to do IVF). So, unless they were hoping for mulitples when they get pregnant, they have nothing to fear. Just because they aren't ideal donors doesn't mean that they will having trouble becoming a mom. Phew, now I can sigh for the women who have been put through the screens on our behalf. They'll be okay.

Now that I've explained the process, I'll lay out the Donor Coaster:

Oct 07: We picked Donor #1, She accepted, passed all screens except the ovarian follicle. No dice. Back to search

Nov 07: We waited for a bit b/c there wasn't Ms.RightDonor in the donor pool. Then a new woman joined the agency--we agreed on Donor #2, Rinse & Repeat what happened to Donor #1. The "follicle fail" again. Continue looking

Dec 07: Another highly-matching donor signed on, but there was another couple ahead of us. So, we would have to wait, but she was officially approved by our clinic, so this is who we chose.

Now we're in a bit of a holding pattern, but we've stepped off the Donor Coaster-- our choice has been made and our clinic has approved. Thank goodness! And I used to like roller coasters?!?!